In France, a couple days away from Christmas… Already, I feel the tension rising in my body. Not from the excitement but from the stress of the 10 of us being locked in the same small apartment for a week…

Why does Christmas always feel so hard?

I’d like it to be a moment of sheer joy, yet it’s usually a moment of heightened tensions. Everybody seems to be walking on eggshells.

I don’t have a particularly toxic family, just one where we don’t know how to have difficult conversations ‘elegantly’! I’m sure you’re smiling at these words. Do I know of any family that can disagree without shouting at each other or creating some kind of resentment? And for that matter, do I know of any collectives that can? Very few…

I think that’s why I chose to do the job I do. I believe in authentic communication and in non-violent communication. I want to believe it’s possible to create environments where we learn to disagree ‘elegantly’, environments where we can share how we truly feel about one another in a way that helps us grow instead of making us feel belittle. I want families to feel like a safe place for us, like home… It shouldn’t be that hard…

Am I being too idealistic?

After a conversation like I just had with my 23-year-old nephew tonight, sometimes I feel it’s hopeless…

“I don’t want to be told, I don’t want to feel criticised. I’d rather people say it in my back” he told me after a comment I had made in reaction to him telling my daughter off – not so elegantly, I give you.

I don’t know what to do with this kind of attitude! It’s just at the polar opposite of who I am. I want to be told and I want to be told in my face. I want to know how people feel about me and if there are things I do that I don’t see that are annoying. Not that I would necessarily change them, but I want to be given the possibility to change. As I always say, you can’t change what you can’t see! If I haven’t seen something, I can’t contemplate it, I can’t work on it. I can’t see everything on my own!

But if you don’t want to see what does that leave me with? Being nice? Staying in a pleasing mode? Sure that will guarantee smoother relationships but so inauthentic. Is that the price of happiness? of peace at Christmas? Keeping your mouth shut and smiling? I don’t know that I can do that AND feel authentic.

My life, my work is anchored on authenticity. How can I be inauthentic, the one week of the year when I’m with all the people that are supposed to matter the most to me???

It’s a couple days away from Christmas and already I feel the tension… I think I’m going to use this blog to at least observe the experience and try to be less absorbed by it, less ‘had’ by it!

Let’s see how I go. Any useful tips greatly appreciated! In the meantime, I came across this article which seems a good topical read…http://www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/features/if-you-hate-going-home-at-christmas-a-toxic-family-dynamic-may-be-to-blame-369545.html

Merry Christmas…if we don’t talk until then!